I Hate Goats!

I have a confession to make.  I HATE goats. I don’t just hate goats, I HATE goats.

It is my own fault.  I was completely willing to jump onto the goat train with hardly any thought.  I knew a lot about how good goat’s milk is for you, plus the thought of having all that fresh milk sounded so wonderful.  I was completely excited about homemade cheese, butter, ice cream, and even soap.  I did my research on goat breeds, and settled on Nigerian Dwarf goats because of the higher butterfat content in their milk.  I had everything in place.

And then I got the goats.

Or the goats got me.

Now I was completely warned.  I read several posts on how noisy goats are, especially Nigerians.  They rank right up there under Nubian on the noisy scale.  At the time that this crazy plan was forming in my head we lived on a small farm in the middle of nowhere, so the noise factor never was a big deal for me.  But then we moved.  And now I am surrounded by cottagers, and grannies who like the peace and quiet.  Oh what was I thinking?

So are you ready? I am about to impart some wisdom, if you are thinking about how great goats might be, pay attention!  Here is the honest to goodness down home truth:
Goats are loud mouthed, spoiled creations that want nothing more to do than bawl their stupid little heads off, while providing nothing to their owners but anxiety and pure unadulterated hatred. (As my goats haven’t been bred yet, they aren’t providing any milk)

That’s the truth take it or leave it.


And many many people will say they have never ever had a problem with goats, and how they are such smart wonderful beings. Let me just say you have been blessed. I can’t imagine a worse torture than listening to two goats bawl.  I would not wish this on anyone!

To the naysayers that say well you should have known what you were getting into: have you ever had goats?  Have you ever had screamer goats?  Have you ever provided a creature with everything it could ever need and want and still it’s not happy?  Have you?! *cue weird eye twitching*

Now it’s not that I’m trying to hide the goats, nor am I in a position where I’m not allowed the goats.  According to the bi-laws in our municipality I have every right to have livestock on my property, and they can cry their lungs out if that is what makes them happy.  So should I be a little more relaxed?  Probably.  But I don’t want to annoy the neighbours.  That’s not what I’m in this for. Plus a crying goat sounds a lot like a crying baby, and there is only so much of that anyone can take.

So it all comes down to this:  What do I do?  I am on the edge. I would almost be willing to break my vegetarian ways, and cook those two ungrateful beasts up, and eat them just so I could have the final say.

If you’re thinking of getting goats, just save yourself the trouble and don’t.



4 thoughts on “I Hate Goats!

  1. This is so funny. I found this post searching the term “I Hate Goats” as for the 4th time I had to catch my one goat that escaped into my dog yard and proceeded to headbutt my door wall… I finally found the escape route after a few false guesses and it’s now blocked, but it’s only a matter of time before they find another. I use to like my goats. I had them as adorable bottle babies and thought they were great. We then turned them out in an acre of overgrown scrub land and they disappeared into the shrubs seldom to be seen. I checked on them, I gave them fresh water and hay over winter and over the past 2 years I felt genuinely guilty about not spending any time with them, after all they would scream and cry as I walked away. Last month though we moved, and our new place is set up for our horses, not goats. So we set up a pen from corral panels to keep them safe and planned out a more permanent pasture… and then the escapes started. They crawled under the corral panels, so we used heavy logs to block them. They pushed the logs and escaped, so we fenced off the bottom, they busted through the chicken wire barrier and so we staked it down and added logs, and they still manage to find ways to escape. They run into the horse pasture and get chased by 5 nervous horses, with their ears pinned back, and I hold my breath until they slip under the hot wire and escape, only to run right back in 2 seconds later when they see me with a rope in my hand. They were perfectly fine when our interactions were minimal, but now that they are in my face every day I’m losing my mind. The plan for a permanent pen has changed to a plan for a new home. My goats are giving my ulcers!

    1. This cracked me up! I TOTALLY feel your pain! My goats are on a dry lot until we can get more fences put in for grazing pastures, so they can see the food but they can’t eat the food. To goat that means DESTROY. EVERYTHING. (said in a robot voice of course). Good luck with your goats! They’re cute but super annoying at times.

  2. We feel so bad leaving them closed up, even after taking TWO FREAKING WEEKS to make their home. So they run around with the sheep, but by far they are way worse creatures. They try to mate with the sheep, they murder every single green thing that dares try to live, they always cause trouble and they are way higher maintenance than all the other animals we have(and yes they make tons of noise for no apparent reason, and the males stink to high heaven). Shearing sheep and taking care of the chickens is easy compared to milking the does, EVERY SINGLE DAY AT LEAST ONCE, making sure they are pregos/nursing, trimming the horns, dealing with their damage, and taking special care that the idiots don’t have access to plants that really matter to us or are poisonous to them. Like you said, its more like we’re living according to their whim. Long story short, if you live in a desert or don’t have anything around for them to destroy, or annoy, go ahead! get goats! Haha, lesson learned… anywho ! Stay strong and God Bless!

  3. I know this is an old article, but I totally can relate to you and feel for you!! My husband is the one who actually wanted goats and went out of his way to buy them. He has this dream to live self sufficient and have his own farm and I was on board with him for it. But with goats, now I am at like 99% with him on everything else lol. Goats are trouble and you are right!! They are spoiled, noisy/whiny, and damn expensive! We currently don’t have the luxury of owning a garage and just live in our trailer on a plot of land full time, but we have fences and gates that we try to goat proof and they always find a way out and jump on our vehicles and break things! Worst part of it is, I swear my husband loves and tolerates those damn goats more than me. We almost lost everything including our house and mortgage, and yet he made it clear he would never let those damn goats go because they are irreplaceable to him. More irreplaceable than even me (hes threatened divorce so many times and has zero patience when it comes to me). Anytime they break something, get out of their enclosure, or cause trouble- he gets mad at me and yet i’m the one who takes care of them! We will even put hay for them on one of those hay stands/stackers and they will spread it out on the ground and not even eat it (picky eaters)! They will want to break out of their fence/enclosure and we cant do that because we are not in a animal friendly zone sadly. Lol sorry for my rant on top of your rant, but you are not alone. I hope things have gotten better for you and your loved ones at least help out with wrangling these little jerks!

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