Tales of 3 Birch Farm: The Big Day


“Tales of 3 Birch Farm” are something I’ve been scribbling down for almost a year now. Just funny or serious situations that have arouse on the farm that I’ve given a bit of a flourish. Usually they’re told from the animals’ perspective. If you follow 3 Birch Farm on Instagram, you’ve seen a couple of them (like this one) but for the most part they end up in a document on my computer. Maybe someday I’ll turn them into a book but for now, in an attempt to do something with them, I’m going to start a Tales of 3 Birch Farm series. They aren’t overly long but I have to admit they’ve become my favourite thing to write. I hope you enjoy.


The buck, known around the yard as Hiccup, had heard there was some sort of celebration going on off the farm. He had heard talks about it from the slaves, otherwise known as Farmer and Farmher, that feed him, pick up his poop, make sure his water is clean, and his bedding freshened (in that order of course). He was alarmed at their excitement for something that didn’t involve he and his concubines. Bidding his time, he waited for the opportune moment.

He watched as Farmher left the house in her track pants and large sweat shirt, dress and cowboy boots tucked under her arm. He watched as she got into her truck and drove away. He watched as Farmer came out onto the porch and smoked a cigarette. He noted the fanciness of Farmer’s clothing. Gone were the usual grubby jeans, dirty shirt, and rubber boots. Instead Farmer was in a dress shirt and vest. His jeans were clean. His hair was loose and perfectly curled instead of pulled back and tucked under a dirty hat. Hiccup had heard the word “groomsman” being thrown around. What this term meant was foreign to him but the transformation of Farmer must have something to do with it. Farmer returned to his own extra-large barn, and Hiccup sensed that finally the moment had come. He organized the women and offspring and together they broke down the fence, charging their way to the house. They shall not be ignored!

Farmer, upon hearing the cries of goat at an enormously loud pitch, put down his coffee cup and walked to the hall window to look out. There the revolution stood in all their glory on the back deck, yelling for the attention they deemed they deserved. The rest of the story involves yelling, dragging, a slamming gate, and a few hundred fencing staples, but Hiccup smiled to himself knowing that Farmer was now going to be this “groomsman” with a good portion of farm dirt smeared across his exceptionally white shirt.


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