Hello? Are you still out there? Did you survive the Christmas, New Years madness?
I’m still trying to figure out what day it is and what I’m supposed to be doing. I tend to just stumble around yelling, do you need me? Do youuu need me? What about youuuuu?!
The animals don’t answer. They just snort and go back to whatever it was they were doing. Thats about when my phone buzzes with my boss wondering why I didn’t show up.
I tease.
That didn’t actually happen.
Ahem.
I sat down at my office the other morning (yes I actually found my way there!) and wrote out my to do list for the week. I’m very list and task oriented. At the top of the page I always write the week that the list is for and it (for whatever reason) just about shocked me out of my chair when I wrote 2019. Firstly because I didn’t make that stupid mistake where you accidentally write 2018 and then have to do that really thick 9 over the 8 to make it right – oh no I got it right the first time. But also 2019?? Say what?
What happened?
In the chaos busyness of last year my list of priorities shifted a lot. While I love this little blog, I was done with making myself feel guilty about not getting posts out in a scheduled manner. I’m a ministry worker and a farmer (read: always on call). Geez what a combination. Can you imagine? Boss Man: April, you need to let the congregation know about this urgent prayer request. Quick write an email. April: So sorry I’ve got my hand up a goat because the kid is stuck. Would you mind praying about that first?
….
I shouldn’t joke. Could actually happen.
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But I digress. The point is I’m always on call. I was up all night with a birthing Mama goat last year then right to work for a staff meeting. How I didn’t end up snoring and drooling on my notepad I’ll never know. So the blog ended up falling to the back of the line, and that’s ok.
Know what else fell to the back of the line? How much I care about what other people think of me. I know. That’s a big one. But honestly, who cares what they think? I don’t have time for that anymore. I like red lipstick. I said it! I’ll wear it for no reason at all. I laugh at dirty jokes. I own a grand total of 5 shirts. Why am I self conscious when someone makes a comment about my lack of style? I have less laundry to wash. I can’t do my hair to save my life. If I do something with it it’s a darn miracle. My house is ugly on the outside. It’s a 700 square foot modular home from the 70s. It’s like a giant tin can. But it’s warm, cozy, and easy to clean. I DON’T LIKE GREY! Why is that even a thing? WHY IS EVERYONE’S ENTIRE HOUSE PAINTED GREY? It’s cold and boring. My house is brown and ivory with highlights of red, forest green, and gold. And I don’t even care if espresso brown is outdated. I love it. My house is sparsely decorated – something that I’ve been so self conscious about. Why does that even matter? So I don’t spend a lot of money on stuff and all my belongs are hand-me-downs. It was free or cost effective. Whatever. I’m still a pretty self conscious person and I tend to think I’m an absolute idiot at times, but it’s so exhausting worrying about what others think of me. Let them think that. Whatever. Sips beer. Burps. Doesn’t care.
For 2019 we’re aiming straight for the market. This is probably the first year I feel like a well sharpened arrow (future April please don’t read this and snort at my naivety). We know what we want, we have the resources to do it, let’s go, baby! This is the first year we’re on track to make a profit. You have no idea how good that feels. As a farm business our profit margin either broke even or, as was the case last year, went under a little bit. We knew last year we were going to take a hit. We planned for it. But I’m ready to go upwards thankyouverymuch.
And finally for 2019 this quote hit me right in the chest. It knocked the wind out of me. Because this is how I feel and I’m so tired of it.
2018 taught me to stop aspiring to sit at tables where I have to bring my own chair, squeeze in-between folks, and repeatedly convince others why I should be there. I learned to build a new table.
You have no idea how relevant that is to my life.
So here’s to building 3 Birch. It’s time for a new table.
As for the rest of the new year to come I hope to give this blog a facelift and start hammering out some awesome material for you guys. I’m done with letting it sit in the background. I’m here because I like telling the story about my life, farm, and food. Food that I’d like to eventually get on your table. But more than any of that, I want you to see me imperfectly following my dreams and be inspired to follow yours too. Let’s make 2019 that year. Let’s all build new tables. Tables for stories, food, surrounded by people you care about. Let’s stop caring what others think about us. Stop caring if they think you’re crazy for following your passion. There’s much better things in life than trying to please everyone.
Amen.
